The Cutting Edge

The official blog of Knife Depot

Breast implants: the ultimate armor against knife attacks?

After centuries of looking for the best defense against a knife attack, we’ve finally found that the answer has been literally right under our noses: gigantic fake breast implants.

Sure this is a cheap story and cheap topic to cover relating to knives, but it’s been in the news and it seems like there’s no way to avoid it.

Apparently, a Florida woman was attacked by her ex-fiance’s new girlfriend with a knife. The woman said she was trying to calm the new girlfriend down before she suddenly took out a knife and stabbed her. The woman said the next thing she knew, she was covered in water.

That water turned out to be the saline water from inside her implant, which was just strong enough to save her from getting a punctured lung. The woman, who wishes to remain unidentified, said the $6,000 to get implants was the best investment she’s ever made. The new girlfriend is probably feeling pretty foolish after grossly misusing a knife and ultimately puncturing an implant.

But, if you think this is an extraordinary story that’s atypical, think again. Another case of life-saving breasts happened not long ago.

A while back, a Russian woman got into a pretty intense fight with her husband that culminated in him pulling a long knife on her. However, when he tried to stab her in the chest, the knife became lodged in what one Russian news organization called her “silicone body armor.”

The ironic part of this whole event is that her husband encouraged her to get the implants five years ago. Although he was trying his best to stab her in the heart, his own vanity was blocking his vapid attempt at murder.

It’s not clear how the implant didn’t even leak, but the surgeon used “state-of-the-art implants filled with gel-like silicone.” That was no match for the knife.

You can’t really blame the knife for failing though. Breast implants are notorious for unmatched strength. For example, a woman’s size D breast implant deflected a bullet and saved her life. In another case, a woman’s implants saved her in a car crash.

If a woman is ever offended at your suggestion of implants, just remind her that they could someday protect her from knife attacks, stray bullets and car accidents.

1 Comment

  1. Yahoo!! Breast implants can be your life saver. Good news though, vanity and life security in one. A round of applause for the implants!! So, is it better to have bigger boobs to make your life more secure? Probably. A lot of life saving news was already done by the huge boobies.

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