Our Rambo knife contest was only scheduled to go on for a week, but at some point I got locked in my room with nothing but a 10-pack of bandannas and four walls of Sly Stallone posters and lost track of time.
Nevertheless, the moment has come to announce the winners. As you may remember, entrants were initially required to submit a photo of themselves dressed as Rambo to win, but due to a lack of macho submissions, we changed the contest to advising Rambo on how to get out of the following situation.
Rambo is hanging from his feet while being lashed with a razor-sharp switch by a chain-smoking soldier. In addition to disposing of the soldier who is torturing him, Rambo must paddle across a moat full of crocodiles, scale a 16-foot electric fence, kill ten guards, release POWs, perform minor surgery upon the wounded, subdue a wild boar and flag down a helicopter for his escape.
In his possession is his trusty survival knife, a scorpion pocket knife with real scorpions encased in the blade, a lighter, some rope, bubble gum, an 8-ounce Budweiser can, a pair of brass knuckles, a Taser, a Glock, a dart gun and a grenade. If he can only bring three of these items with him, which ones should he bring and how should he use them to finish his mission.
Yes, it was the sort of situation only a man like John Rambo could escape from. We had a number of worthy submissions and props to everyone who gave it a shot. Without further delay, the winners are as follows:
In second place, picking up a tricked-out pocket knife with real scorpions encased in the blade, in exchange for his fierce survival advice is Dartus Hopper, who advised Rambo to:
Pour gun powder on the POW’s wound and use the flint and steel in his SURVIVAL KNIFE to ignite the powder in order to cauterize the wound. Then, use the glock to kill the boar for food along the way to the landing zone, where he again uses his knife’s flint-n-steel to start a pig fat smoke fire/signal for the chopper. When the helicopter lands, they all jump in and enjoy some great wild boar ribs durning the ride home!!
In first place, winning the world’s most badass 9.5-inch signature-edition Rambo survival knife is Matthew Rygus, whose 1,112 word manifesto was unmatched in its ingenuity, style, and creative use of wanton bloodshed. Here’s a highlight
He paddles across the moat, just as he approaches the other side, he takes another sip of beer. Right as he’s drinking the king of beers, another crocodiles jumps out at him. He delivers a deadly uppercut on the croc’s jaw and sends it flying back into the water. He finishes his sip and smiles because he know he didn’t spill a single drop.
Thanks to everyone who entered and check back soon for more great contests from The Cutting Edge!